The Art Seminar
by clay jashinist
Summary: What happens when Hidan is the speaker in an art seminar?


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warning: Sasori is very OOC!

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The Art Seminar

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"Sasori-danna, who is that sleazy looking guy? He seems to be of great importance in this seminar, un." Deidara asked as he turned away from the small crowd of people who had rounded upon a certain man. He looked at his Danna, waiting for an answer.

"That's Hidan. He's going to be the speaker for today. I'm not really sure what he's even famous for." Sasori glanced over his shoulder. "He looks somewhat menacing. Look at him, shirtless with only a robe on. He seems to be confident about his body. Not that he shouldn't be."

Deidara looked at Hidan again. He studied the man's features; silver hair that seemed to naturally slide back, his pinkish eyes which seemed to droop as he listened to the people around him. The blonde also noticed his mouth twisted ever so slightly when the word 'art' was said.

"Mr. Hidan, the art seminar will officially begin in five minutes." a pudgy man said a little too loudly. Hidan whirled at him, his eyes piercing through the man.

"Fuck off, fatso. Can't you see I'm still bitching with the guests?" Hidan said smoothly. Then he gave a gesture as though he was deep in thought. "Hmm. Fine, I'll go. It gets so boring talking to fucktards like them. Later, shitbrains."

The crowd before him parted in two as he passed. They all gasped and whispered as he went up the stage. Deidara thought they were criticizing Hidan, but it was the other way around.

"He's so cool!" a bright-eyed boy said.

"I love him!"

"He called me a fucktard! OMG!!"

Even Sasori was a bit astounded by his attitude. He nodded approvingly as he wrote the notes down his notebook. "Amazing. In order to be famous and gain hundreds of fanclubs, I should refer to others with cuss words."

"Eh? That's crap, Danna! I'm your fan, and you don't even cuss at me, un!"

"Shut up, dipshit."

The blonde sweatdropped. He turned back to the stage to see Hidan standing in front, microphone at hand. He looked so suave, his chest exposed to everyone. He was confident, Deidara could tell.

"Good day, bitches. Today, we will be talking about the crappy world of art. Tell me Mr. Snot Face, what the fuck do you think about art?"

The man with the over-large nose looked absolutely thrilled. he grabbed his notebook and cleared his throat. "For me, art is the living-"

"Boooring! Next!" the silver-haired man looked at Sasori. "You, Mr. Eyelash, what is art?"

"Art is eternal beauty for me. It is beauty that can withstand even the longest droughts in life. Art is eternal beauty."

"Good pick." Hidan nodded, although he looked bored. Sasori, on the other hand, was flustered. "But I believe that art is bullshit. It's plain old shit."

Everyone nodded, as though they were thinking "Why haven't I thought of that?". They whipped up their notebooks (except for Deidara) and wrote Hidan's 'wise words' down.

"Now, who knows that thing with paper thingys? That hard-as-hell-to-follow procedures?"

"You mean origami?" a woman Deidara knew to be named Konan answered.

"Exactly."

The blonde shook his head. Almost half of the most decent artists in the world came to the seminar because some foul-mouthed idiot was making a worthless speech? Not what he paid fifty bucks for.

"Now, retards and bastards, I present to you…art!"

Hidan moved aside, the curtains behind him parting. The people oohed and aahed as a covered object stood mightily on the stage. Hidan grinned as he pulled the cover away. Deidara stared at it, dumbfounded. It was canvas. With squiggles as though a kindergartener had drawn on it inartistically.

Even so, reporters and photographers went up the stage, causing a stampede as each one stumbled forward the so-called artist.

"So extraordinary. Majestic." Sasori muttered, his brown eyes filled with emotions. "Can I even call myself an artist?!"

"Danna…" the blonde tried to comfort his mentor, but to no avail.

"WHY, GOD? WHY?"

Meanwhile, a young reporter stood shakily before Hidan. She was panting and sweating from the mere effort of being the first to interview the 'modern-day Picasso'.

"You got this on live, Dave?" the reporter hissed at the camera man. He nodded, though his eyes were on Hidan's chest. The woman rolled her eyes, then smiled as she looked back at the 'artist'. "Forgive him. Dave's gay for you, y'know."

"Just get on with it, you slut." Hidan hissed. The woman nodded enthusiastically.

"Today, I am here to witness the outstanding work of the modern-day Picasso. He is here with us now to tell us about his newest work. Good day, Mr. Hidan!"

"Yeah, hey to all you sissies out there." Hidan said as the camera focused on his chest. "Listen, manwhore, if you don't fucking stop that, I will shove that camera up your little-"

"Eh, um, let's get back to the interview…where Mr. Hidan's FACE should be seen." the reporter gave Dave a death glare. "So, what do you call your newest and greatest masterpiece?"

"As I said, art is bullshit." Hidan explained coolly as the others listened intently. "I was planning to name it Crap, but then, this sudden idea came into my mind while I was drawing. It was the word…" he waited for a dramatic pause. "…bullshit. So I named it Bullshit."

Deidara rolled his eyes. The seminar was a disaster, he thought. He looked at Sasori, who was still staring numbly at the 'masterpiece'.

"Oh, I love you!! Marry me!!" the reporter shouted as she was hauled by the guards along with Dave, who was making disturbing noises as he stared at Hidan's chest.

The blonde artist couldn't take it much more. he stood up, his mind fogged by one word: KILL.

He charged up at the stage, pushing away the people that blocked his way. He held his bag of (illegal) explosive clay as he neared the guards.

"Wait right there, missy!" one of them said. He looked at Deidara through his black tinted glasses. "Say, you're cute."

That was the last straw for the _very _pissed blonde. He let out a howl as he got some clay, then threw it everywhere. Sasori, being Deidara's mentor, should've gotten up to his protégé and stopped the clay because anytime, it would explode. Instead of doing that, Sasori screamed, then run for cover and for his life.

Deidara laughed maniacally.

"ART IS A BANG!"

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_much much later_

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"It wasn't my fault I was tempted to blast you into pieces, un!" Deidara shouted as Hidan glared at him, rubble and dirt all over the two of them.

"Fuck that! Good thing I believe in Jashin, that's why I'm still fucking alive!"

"While everyone on the other hand…" the blonde gulped.

"Dead! They're all dead!" Hidan snarled angrily. "Look at all the funerals I have to pay for!"

Deidara bowed his head. "I'm sorry, un!"

"Whatever. I'm ditching this place. Later, blondie." HIdan got into his limousine. He raised his middle finger up at the debris, then spit on the ground. "Next stop, Zimbabwe!"

Sasori emerged from his hiding place. He stood beside the blonde, who was watching the limo speed away.

"Hey, don't feel bad! At least you helped in solving the problem about overgrown population!" the redhead said. But to his surprise, the blonde was smiling.

"Heard that, Danna?" Deidara said, looking at his mentor. "His next stop is in Zimbabwe, un!"

Sasori sighed at his weird attitude, but he found himself smiling as well.

"That means OUR next stop is…"

"Zimbabwe…un!"

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END


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